mooninthewater | Come Sail Away IC Inbox

That's alright! We haven't been dating for very long, so… it's not like I totally expect you to be able to see your future with me ever expanding just yet. I mean, to you, these past few months haven't even been 1% of your life, right~? So, then, I'll just keep telling you so next year and the year after and so on until time itself stops, okay?

[ Maybe by next year, even, he'll be better? He can stop being so obsessive and… the So Much that his love is right now. Is that wishful thinking? He hopes not. A year seems like a reasonable amount of time? He wants to be good… so he's going to try harder to get there. ]

And you don't really need to believe me in the meantime, do you? We can still be happy together, and I can help you with that as we go.

[ the wind kicks up around him as a blush heats to his face. ] W-what are you even... don't say things like that, I might be in danger of transforming again. [ what the fuck. he might poof back into a wisp right now. and then maybe fly the hell away or valiantly resist or just squeak uselessly like a squeeze toy but at least maybe a wisp would be less of a target for sweet talk.

but mizuki isn't wrong, this awful age difference... being courted by a mortal is like a tree being flirted by a bee. it's difficult to truly believe, but the sentiment is sweet. and he does want to believe. ]

Don't you think it's unfair of me to be like this? That I have so much... baggage. That I'm old, that it's difficult to try to be with someone like you. [ even he doesn't think he's worth the effort--but by chance truth spares him of spilling that, at least. ]

Oh~? Is what I'm saying too overwhelming? But that blush is so pretty on you. And even when you're transformed, it's so cute when you get all shy and flutter your wings like a hummingbird's~. [ Venti really is too cute, in general. His actions, he means. He's not too attached to appearances, if he's being honest. It's hard to be, when one like Mizuki spends most of his time being invisible. ]

Mmh, I don't think it's unfair. It's… it's admittedly really hard for me to see things from your point of view, and to understand the thought process of a god — whether you are or not anymore it's clear you still think like one. [ Beat. ] A kind god, that is. I-… I guess I know how an evil god thinks. [ Hm. There's a brief look of realization on his face, as if he hadn't truly considered that before, but he shakes his head and puts on his sly smile again. No need to think about that. ] It's difficult for anyone to be with someone like me, really~!

But, you know, I don't think I can judge you for being old as dirt when Ebalon is also old as dirt. [ Mizuki's just a grave robber. ] But I know that I love you so much. And I know that I want to work over whatever difficulties pop up together. That's something you feel, too, don't you?

If you keep flattering me I'll have to shut you up, you know. [ he pokes another strawberry and pancake bite to mizuki's mouth. shut him up... with breakfast. or maybe a kiss. but mizuki's been eating bacon and that'd be a rather gross taste to kiss with, even if venti weren't vegetarian. ] But no, I think you... well, perhaps you still have to learn to really live with that god's influence in you. Even so, I know you should be able to find and deserve love.

I suppose Ebalon really did want to extend your life span so he could be with you too. [ it's a rather odd feeling because it wouldn't exactly be something venti would advocate, as he'd said before. eternal love is a rather nice and romantic concept for fairy tales and stories, but he lives the immortal life of a god, he knows in practice and reality that long life leads often to disillusionment. and at the end, to erosion. ] Other gods like me... they often suffer loss of loved ones, even after the gods' war. I don't believe many of them have human lovers or if so, of course it wouldn't quite last. [ there's raiden with her youkai gfs, until they died. didn't morax have a dragon lover? and that goddess of dust, until the war. ] When immortal partners die it's already difficult enough, and mortals die even more easily.

Before your pact, I'd decided I'd be happy to be with you for the extent of your lifetime. It's still difficult to think of... having a relationship that could last.

[ Mizuki munches down the strawberry, giving Venti one more squeeze before he parts so he can sit properly and pull his own food a little closer. He doesn't really respond, at first. Of course he deserves love… but whether or not he deserves love now, when he's so volatile with his emotions, and still has no handle on his obsessiveness, that all is debatable. Especially for these two he's fallen so hard for — both of them perfect in Mizuki's eyes. ]

That wasn't his intention, actually… [ The immortality was just sort of… a byproduct of the pact. Listening to Venti talk about the gods from his world, though, and their love endeavors makes him worried. Ebalon had mentioned that if Mizuki were ever mortally wounded, he could potentially give up more of himself to save him and… Mizuki doesn't want that to happen. He wouldn't do anything while they're on this ship and death is so impermanent, surely!

Ugh, he hates the thought of losing either of them. His chest feels so tight suddenly. Especially with everyone being upset with— ]

Oh- [ Right. ] Ah, speaking of… I have a favor, if you don't mind… The stuff I told you about our pact, how old he is, that he's a demon and stuff… can that be between you, me, and him? He's already having a hard time trying to seek forgiveness from people… it'll be harder for him if they know about all that, too.

[ Demon racism and all that — it's rampant on Terra, too. ]

[ hm... he rubs a little more at his eyes, a slight frown when it hits him, perhaps this counts as water? though mizuki appears to be communicating with him clearly enough so if he were spelled it must be truth. he handles the knife again to cut another pancake. ]

Mm, I wasn't planning to tell anyone. [ ... ] Though, probably, if someone asks me directly what he is I wouldn't feel comfortable lying to them. But I am choosing to believe in him. [ strangely enough, both in agreement to his better nature and also a little against his intuition. well, if something happens, through it he'll have chosen to try to trust. ]

But I think that would come back to my question from before. Wouldn't someone deserve the truth in order to trust fully? If it's a trust based on deception, something hidden...

There were times I told my countrymen I was God, and they didn't believe me. But if I told more people here, I wonder if they'd be disappointed I can't save them.

Edited 2022-08-04 02:48 (UTC)

[ Mizuki stares at his food, idly picking at it for a moment as he attempts to really think about it. ]

I think that… some things are okay to keep secret. Only you, Clarke and Ebalon know what I am, but I don't necessarily think that people shouldn't trust me because I haven't gone telling everyone that I'm a monster, you know? [ He sighs and sets his chin in one of his hands as he stabs an egg with his fork. ] I don't expect anyone to lay themselves bare if they make a mistake. I didn't need Max to spill all his secrets to me for him to forgive him. I understand that that may be because I am a little more trusting than most people, but… my point being that there are things people might be or have done in their life that they sincerely regret to the point that it shouldn't haunt them today, you know?

Is there anything you've done in the past that you've really regretted? That you wished you could take back? You don't have to tell me what it is, but just think about that. Do you think I, or anyone else, should judge you based on that action? Do you consider yourself the same person as back then?

…

Ebalon shouldn't be judged based on things like his age or his species. But people are going to be judgmental about it, because that is just the nature of people. Especially if that person is already under scrutiny.

[ Is there anything you've done in the past that you've really regretted? well. this is maybe even something of a shrodinger's cat kind of question. if he did participate in the cataclysm to destroy khaenri'ah then yes, he does regret that. if he didn't--maybe, possibly not? who the heck knows except mihoyo. ]

Mizuki, I already said that I'm choosing to believe in him, you know~ but as long as I'm answering that question--

Yes. I do think it's legitimate to judge a person based on what they've done in the past, as well as what they do in the present and future. It's understandable if someone tries to move on, but life can't exactly be simple as deciding to turn over a new leaf and wiping out entirely your past deeds, even if you sincerely regret them. If a vigilante kills a criminal, even if they spend the rest of their life atoning, does the criminal's child not have the right to hold a grudge against their parent's killer? Whether it's righteous or not, it's as you say, it's impossible for people not to judge one another. He'd caused great harm... he and you can apologize deeply as much as you can, but you really can't force people to forgive or change their opinion. That's entirely their right and freedom to judge.

But, I do forgive people who sincerely repent. I admire if they spend true effort to change. [ ... ] I might even admire that change, because it's difficult for me.

Edited 2022-08-04 03:39 (UTC)

[ Mizuki shoves the egg in his mouth, his gaze turning up to the ceiling. He doesn't speak until he swallows, at least, but he seems to be trying to hold his tongue on this specifically. ]

Well, I meant that as less… what he did, and more what he is. What he did was recent and, while I know he does regret what he did and is genuinely trying to do better, I can't say that the Ebalon now and the Ebalon then are different people… But, uh, I would fight anyone who tried to say he was bad just 'cause of what he is, you know? Same for you. If anyone goes and says that you're awful and horrible just 'cause you're a god or ex-god or whatever, I'll throw them off the ship.

I was just using past selves as an example because… I think that people can be different from their past actions. There's a ton of people back at Rhodes Island that are nothing like they used to be… There's a ton of people here on the ship that I'm sure are different from how they were back home, too. Having to adapt to a new way of thinking with a new set of people will change you inherently.

[ Though, he supposes… it's not a surprise that Venti thinks that way. He vaguely reaches up to touch his neck, over his collar. Is it inherent that gods judge, he wonders? Venti's mentioned that he doesn't like to pass judgment, simply because he doesn't see it fit to do so under his ideals of freedom, but that doesn't mean he isn't internally doing so. There are those who seek atonement, forgiveness, and pardons for things that they've done in the past to his church, too. He couldn't help but always think it seemed so silly to him. Atonement for something they did so long ago. If it's closure they want, it won't be any god that gives it to them. If they've moved on from that person they used to be, then…

…

But, maybe this is why he wouldn't make a good Bishop. ]

To that end, though… do you think you feel that way about forgiveness because you're always having people confess to you, maybe?

Mm, then that's fair, people shouldn't be judged for who they are. But when the question was about action... actions have consequences, even if you change. The fact is, it's hard to prevent judgement at all. [ fatui are treated with suspicion across nations, considering they keep trying to stage coups. is that fair? hilichurls are attacked by knights unaware of what they really are, is that fair?--and, the word 'demon' has implications. when demons were born of bad karma and aggressive is it fair to judge? but he only knows about demons born of corruption in liyue in teyvat.

he supposes he'll leave that unsaid. he was a little unique among gods, he really preferred not to judge at all. humans do enough of that. ]

There are criminals who'd confess to me, who wish to turn a new leaf. Thieves, deceivers, killers. Slaveowners, in a previous era. Parents who regret striking their child. Spouses who hurt their loved ones. Even adulterers. [ there's the brittle click of his knife against the plate as he cuts another piece of pancake, quieter for a moment. ] I can feel their sincerity. Some confess because they can't bear their own guilt, and may only think of my absolution as an afterthought. Some fear they're not sincere enough. Some repent and then afterwards sin again, or barely change at all...

But I forgive. I'm their God. If they ask for my forgiveness, I would give it. Maybe some would argue they don't deserve it, maybe some of them would hurt others again. But I suppose I try to believe, and forgive.

[ Yeah, that checks out then. He's probably seen it time and time again. People who seek forgiveness from him just to ease their own burdens. It must be hard on him. It must be rough for him. Mizuki can't imagine being in a position like that. Especially not when "his" god is all about oneness. Repent by giving yourself in to it's hivemind. Pursue the goals of the Seaborns. Becoming one with the cosmos. All that jazz… ]

How kind of you. I can only hope that the god they worshipped at my church back home was half as nice as you are. [ Because, you know, he's still very much in denial about who that god was. Him being a Seaborn around the same time that he was involved in ~~the cult~~ his church are obviously unrelated. ] I guess no one's ever done anything bad as me, though, huh? Y'know, if I got the sorts of reactions from you that I did~.

Kindness doesn't have anything to do with it, I think. And... you did torture people. I've forgotten if you mentioned how many, but I don't suppose there's a cut off number for how many people it's all right to torture or not.

... Do you regret it? Or they were all 'bad people', so it was okay?

[ His eyes seem to click over to Venti instantly. It's perhaps… a little more unsettling than Mizuki means for it to be. He doesn't exactly want to talk about this, but it's not like this isn't something Venti doesn't already know about. If he wanted to leave because of this, he would have done so already. ]

You misunderstand, Venti. I didn't torture people, I tortured monsters. [ There is still a difference! ] I only did it the one time, but… I guess I don't know how many there were. However many pirates had decided to work together like that I suppose. Though, just to be clear, I am not so benevolent as you to find it within myself to forgive the scum that took everyone I loved away from me, and left a seven year old to bleed out slowly. I wanted to repay the pain they gave to me tenfold.

So I did.

I don't regret it. It felt good. Not only did I get closure, but I got rid of monsters that would've done it again without a second thought to other good people.

…

The only thing I 'regret' is not understanding why people get so upset with me when I tell them such. Most people I ask what they'd do if they found the people responsible for taking everything they care about away from them reply with "Kill them". I don't see how "make them hurt" is any different…

[ ... ] You were judging those monsters based on their actions, besides what they were. Not just judging in the abstract but also carrying out judgment. Not that I'd deny that what they did was indefensible. [ but apparently, torturing the indefensible is acceptable.

this could be the trouble of divinity. that he knows morax and raiden might confidently cast judgment in their own ways: possibly, that pirates broke a contract with slaughter of innocent lives but would face the punishment of law rather than vigilante justice. raiden's tenryou commission, reaching or slicing as her arm to capture or execute criminals and killers. barbatos might be the sole exception in refraining from judgment at all, until his entire country fell into literal slavery and the voices of his people cried to be saved until it woke him. ]

Those pirates slaughtered your village and left you to bleed out and you judged them worthy to die.

Ebalon killed three people, torturing two painfully. Do others not have the right to judge him, if he hurt their loved ones so grievously? Do you think they have closure, with apologies?

If those pirates apologized 'sincerely' to you as Ebalon did, that wouldn't bring closure to you would it? Only death or their suffering would.

The circumstances are different. On top of the fact that death holds little meaning here, he was trapped in a game with the rest of us where we were forced to kill one another. Stress responses were high. People lost their minds a bit. Even you did, if you'll recall… Ebalon did not make the choice to enter a game of murder. Ebalon did not plan out an attack on a small town. Ebalon did not go into this town knowing that tonight he would pillage and slaughter everything and one in it.

I forgave Ebalon because of our situation. If he had tortured and killed you and Lumine and Dr. Watson on a whim, with no provocation from the Captain, I would've eaten him, too.

[ …

Mizuki turns back to his tray and shovels some of the various breakfast meats into his mouth. ]

… But if they had come to me before I had found them and attempted to apologize then… I'd hear them out. I don't know if I'd believe them or not. It really all depends on what they'd say.

I think, Mizuki...

I think I realized this a while ago: we were not forced to kill one another. We were told to kill one another. Every single one of us who killed made a choice to kill... even me, though I don't remember much. But I regret that I did. We were told to kill or die and we should have chosen death, even Ebalon said that much when I talked to him. It's true that we come back from death but I don't think that means death is meaningless, even if it's cheaper now. I think it might even mean that we should try to value life more, and each other.

... But, I'm glad to hear that you would have listened to them. I'm not saying those pirates or Ebalon are similar. But when people hurt one another, their victims suffer and judge. Like you, and like the people he'd hurt.

No, he didn't force our hands, but… It's a murder game. There were rewards and punishments and psychological torture! It's pretty standard for that sort of genre. Kill or die situations are a suuuuper common trope that a lot of stories explore, actually. I've researched quite a few of them, and, uh, honestly our response to it was pretty par for the course!

And I did say death holds "little meaning," not that it's meaningless. Honestly, I still can't entirely let go of its meaning, personally, but if we put too much meaning into it, and the Captain continues to pit us against each other, then… it might just break us. We need to be careful.

Like, for example, if someone killed you in front of me, I would definitely retaliate without thinking, even if I knew you'd end up back on the ship, rationally. I don't think I should do that. So if I can disconnect the association I currently have with death, maybe then, I wouldn't do that? Maybe I could forgive who did it, or… something like that.

…

Oh! Or, maybe I could just kill myself! Then I could see you back on the ship faster~!

Edited 2022-08-04 07:19 (UTC)

[ that’s… uncannily… well, it’s exactly what ebalon said too, and he’s almost just about to say as much before thinking, well you know what, maybe let’s not trouble mizuki with that idea. and the cheerful way mizuki offers this so readily is just kind of jarring. ] You don’t… I’d rather…

[ . . . ]

Uh, Mizuki, I made another pancake.

[ change of subject, why not. maybe they could talk about this sometime else, though he does find himself vaguely agreeing with mizuki’s reasoning. he presents his new plate of cut pancake, waka waka. ]

[ Should it be surprising at this point that Mizuki is so cheerful and ready to offer things like this? He's easily given eternity to Venti. Easily given his home away for Venti's. Easily given songs when he normally would never sing to Venti. Is it that far of a stretch he'd give his life for him as well? Especially so, when life is fickle on this boat? ]

Oh!!!! It's so cute! I don't think anyone's allowed to eat this now~! [ Though, Mizuki does pull out his phone so he can take a picture, at least. So cute… Mizuki giggles. ] You're so thoughtful, my love. Should I be feeding you, too?

[ no, but he still feels vaguely uncomfortable with all of those things, it feels too… even if he rather agrees with trying to distance themselves from death, putting it that bluntly is just… ]

Ehe, thanks~ I tried to capture his charm! [ another time maybe. well this conversation sure spanned a lot, might as well end it nicely with some pacman. ] But sure, I wouldn’t mind being fed! As long as it’s not bacon.

[ greasy…! ]

Is that so? I suppose you did — it’s hard to tell, when your own charm is so captivating that is has me distracted! [ He’s still not done with the compliments, apparently. ]

Don’t worry. I’m not going to feed you anything I got. Do you think me that cruel, my love? [ He even cleans his fork off with a napkin before he reaches it over to poke one of the small circles and then one of the heart strawberries. After, he holds it up to Venti’s lips with a gentle tap against them. ]

No, but apparently you're rude enough to say that to Mr Pancake Man's face, when he's right here and I tried to make him cute! Yes, even more than me this morning. [ when he'd basically rolled out of bed as a wisp and then did minimal primping when he'd transformed back. ] Sweet talking may be a crime, you smooth criminal.

[ but there's a more accepting smile to his face as he leans forward and opens his mouth, sticking his tongue out a little, a light blush to his cheeks. see now, this is how you do a proper couples' feeding, 'aah' and all. sappy! ]

Oh? Is it? Are you going to tell the cruise cops on me, then? [ Before he can answer, though, the fork is going in his mouth. He doesn’t think too much of it, if only because he’s not too terribly fond of food dates if he’s not the one cooking the food. But he can take some satisfaction in pampering Venti. ]

Maybe, instead, it can be our little secret~? I’d like it if I could keep doing it, after all. If I don’t remind you of what a wonderful boyfriend you are, you might forget!

[ couples' feeding is about putting it in! putting it in his mouth. ... a strawberry and pancake. he seems very pleased with it, closing his mouth to the bite with a little 'homph' like an anime girl. ah, small happinesses like these might be hard to beat. ] Hm~

It's a lovely bribe, but I might need a liiittle more to buy my silence. [ for $8000 a month he will stop. or maybe 80 kisses, if money is so useless here. he licks his lips, tasting strawberry, then leans in close to give mizuki a peck to his mouth, share maybe a hint of berry. ] But this works well enough for now, you troublemaker. Don't forget you're safe by my mercy!

[ Venti does well enough putting things in his mouth. He doesn’t need Mizuki’s help! ]

Then, by your mercy… [ Before he can go back, Mizuki puts the fork down so he can grab Venti’s cheeks and pull him back in. He rubs their noses together as he continues to speak. ] … may I continue to tell you how incredible you are? How sweet every second I spend with you is? How you can always make me feel like I’m flying when you’re around?

[ A small kiss. ]

Can I tell you that I love you more than there are stars in the sky?

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