[ HhhHHHH Caoimhe's gonna be the death of him. It takes a moment for him to respond, having initial excited twitches about a new voice outside of his own swirling in the disgusting, elder god cocktail of his mind. Maybe when he replies, Caoimhe will hear whispers behind his words of his kin. It's not words, though it sounds like maybe they should be?
It's probably best she doesn't focus too much on it. ]
Caoi~mhe!!! Can you hear me, too~? How exciting, to be able to talk like this!! I'm at Elsword's, in his fish tank. I'll also be-
[ Aaaand the message cuts short. The other ambient noise stops, too, at least! ]
[ Caoimhe hears the whispers - b u t . . . At this point with how insane this realm is, she doesn't think too much about it, holding a weariness of walking into the night. Yet sad and lonely - desperate even. To search for him, and find him she does.
At least - we think so, she rounds the corner to where the Fish Tank in Elswords house is and looks around to find him. ]
[ Mizuki is in the fish tank. He's actually still trying to "talk" to Caoimhe, surprised when he notices the blurry hints of red through the glass and water of the tank. He'll quickly scramble to get out, dripping water onto the floor in the process. Uh - he'll clean that up later, promise! ]
Caoimhe! You stopped talking! I thought you were ignoring me!!
[ "Moon" jellyfish is a misdirection, he's actually the very rare "sunshine" jellyfish. ]
[ It's hard to stay so sad when Mizuki is full of life!! Despite the evident aura she gives, and the seemingly dejected look she has. It softens the moment she sees Mizuki climb out of his fish tank.
It almost makes her want to diminish her issues into nothingness, the complicity of it should not be brought and put on others' shoulders. She already bothered Heimr, the Shopkeeper and upset him... She should not continue that train of action. ]
I... I am sorry... The spell I use can only send back and forth about twenty-five words. Did I bother your time in the waters?
[ She is all wet and with a quick movement of her hands she uses prestidigitation to make herself dry again. She does not offer to Mizuki because she knows him being wet is important! ]
I do not want to bother you with my thoughts, I already caused a great bit of grief to Heimr when I just spoke to him now... I just...
[ A Pause. ]
I missed the ocean... And... I did not know where to go to, but to you.
Hm, I would think the river would provide you more solace than I would, if it's the ocean you seek. Buuuuut I'm also really good for hugs and stuff if you need that, too.
You wouldn't bother me with your thoughts, Caoimhe. I much prefer people being straightforward with me, since I'm not too good at reading people.
Even so, when I thought of it - it was you who came to mind first. [ She admits a bit sheepishly, hands rubbing along either side of her forearms. ] ... I see...
Even still... It isn't right to just, speak my pains freely.. [ Locks of hair shuffle about, ] Not that I do not want to.
[ She looks up, staring towards him a bit more clearly. ]
. . . Remember... You had told me, that I am a Good Person?
Caoimhe, you and I are friends. You can talk about whatever ails you with me.
[ ??? He's fretting a little bit over her. Should they sit? They should sit. He's going to gently coax her to Elsword's couch so they can take a seat. He'll hold her hands once they do, trying to be comforting. ]
[ Oh that was very good! She sits on the couch and finds it easier to... Well breathe, and her nerves begin to settle just a bit. ]
I think about that day a lot... Everything we talked about... I... I try really hard to be myself and to be what it means to be good to me... But... I think.... I think it is only making other people unhappy, and... Maybe misunderstand me? Or... That I will make it worse?
[ A pause and... She reflects the earnestly says. ]
... I wanted to go back to the ocean, because... If that is where I came from, then I want to return home. [ She gets quieter, the comfort of sitting and the safety of being in this place with her friend Mizuki beside her. Knowing too, that Elsword was not too far away. She opens up a bit more... ] ... I don't think I belong anywhere... Not even here... So I want to go back home... I want to go back to the ocean, where I came from, and where I belong... Since... The way that I am - the way that I am, is not... The right way to be?
[ If Mizuki has to fetch Elsword for an impromptu cuddle pile, he will. For right now, though, he listens. There's a brief moment of worry that he's made Caoimhe force herself to doing things she didn't want to, but the way she said "to be myself" generally implies it's the stuff that comes naturally to her. "Trying really hard" is kind of a contradiction, then, isn't it? Unless... she often pretends to be something she's not? How incredibly relatable. ]
Hm, if I can give you my thoughts... [ They won't be very good, since Mizuki also is misunderstood and makes things worse, so- ] You're not going to make everyone happy, even if you do everything right. You are a very good person, and I think whatever misunderstandings stem from the fact people know this about you and want to make sure that goodness isn't snuffed out.
After all, there's a lot of really good people, but that doesn't mean they have means to protect themselves. Especially somewhere so incredibly dangerous, I'm sure you're just bound to worry people...
[ There's a gentle squeeze of her hands. ]
Is that what home is to you? Do you believe being there would fix things? Do you think that your point of view should not be valued? What is the right way to be? If you feel you do not belong anywhere, what is the harm in staying here, anyway?
...
I know it's a lot to think about, but... I think you belong.
[ Actually Mizuki that is sound advice, and very smart point. Caoimhe herself is not use to the idea that people would care about her in that way - which was a dynamic issue. Her people faulted her in failing them, and although still accounted her among them. Made it evident in their actions that she was on her own, when it came to care and a quality of life.
Thinking that people are so concerned about her - that they are fearful of how she is being taken advantage of by others?
She genuinely, cannot fathom that idea.
It's too bad this came too late - if anything it's almost narratively hilarious. ]
... I did not realize. . . [ A pause as she drifts into thought but the hand squeeze brings her in. Eyes flicker upwards back to him, and the oceans within them seem to subside from the initial flurry of storms that bellowed within.
'What is the harm in staying here anyway?'
If Caoimhe is so adamant about believing everyone belongs, why does she not add herself into the picture?. Her life answers that question, but she is incapable of answering it right now in her mind for Mizuki. Instead, she simply thinks - ]
I am still trying to understand...
[ I think you belong. She smiles, and deep down she feels herself validated. Truly, the ocean welcomes her. ]
If it makes you feel any better, you are not the only one who is still trying to understand. Things are real confusing here~! Everyone's got such troubled pasts and have so many weird things happening from their worlds and I don't think any one of them knows how to deal with it!! It's fascinating how the human brain works. So interesting~, so complicated~, so exciting~! Of course it's awful there's so much trauma spread among us that makes it ex~treme~ly challenging for us to coordinate with one another, buuuut also really, super, mega cool!
[ Mizuki, you're gushing. Why did you roll a 7 on being normal-
Caoimhe is being incredibly introspective in this moment, and had Mizuki the awareness, he would be proud. Alas, instead, he is just a simple jellyfish with a negative 10 insight modifier. ]
Mmm, that makes sense. [ A pause, thinking on what the other said. ] I know many people who do this, but I myself enjoy it as well... Even if at times, the distance between us can be.. So vast.
Between… us, specifically, or between one another?
[ Once again, Mizuki finds himself relating far too much to Caoimhe. He wonders if, maybe, here at the grove, they were twins or something? No, no, that's silly, they looked nothing alike in the photograph… ]
I… sometimes sort of feel like there's sort of this… [ He gestures in the air, miming out a wall of sorts in front of him. ] window that I'm looking into. That I'm merely a lens — the camera to watch the movie. It's very…
[ Lonely. ]
…silly, I guess? Ehehe, I guess that's what I get for not being more social~. Holding hands and physical contact helps a lot, though. Makes the "window" feel a little less… there.
[ BC MIZUKI!! U CANT BE IDENTICAL TWINS IF NOT SAME GENDER NSJDKFNJDSFNDSBNFKDS unless... Maybe they were... maybe osmosis jones happen. or whatever. LMSDJFKSDLFGKS ]
Yes! That's exactly it! [ Caoimhe seems to flinch at his realization, ] When... Um...
There is this book that exists, it - - it is where my name came from.
[ She moves to find the bag of holding and searches for the book. Sure enough she finds it, pulling it out with its hard red cover. As she takes it into her hands, cradling the book itself she gently opens it. ]
It's a story about a girl, who... Who lived in a city where everyone is beautiful, and everyone is good at one thing? It does not what that one thing is, but they excel at it and have purpose because of it. [ She filters through the pages as she speaks looking for something within it urgently. ] Then this girl was born. She was simply not good at any one particular thing, and she did not look so fetching. The girl was often treated so poorly, and no one loved her whatsoever.
The book is about a God watching over this girl, and commenting on how it is she lives - how it is she becomes. Ultimately the God decides it wants to grant the girl a wish, and when it asks her what they wish for. The God says, "I have watched you be hated and reviled, for no reason other than existing. I want to give you a gift, I can change everything about the city, everything about the world, even change you to be loved and revered. What do you want the most, tell me?"
The girl simply said, "I want to just live here, I don't want to change at all. I love looking down at everyone, I love seeing them happy and I love how hard they strive to be what they are. Me being here, drives them. It shows them what they don't want to be, and for that, I am truly precious to them. Even if they do not know it. I just want to be, Caoimhe."
[ As she turns the book over to Mizuki, the illustration is presented across two pages. Drawn with ink and hard printed with some bold colors to pop. There is a girl that overlooks a city, the city is beautifully built. With lights that glimmer, and floating vehicles that whirl around. Then you have Caoimhe in the picture book, staring off from a hill out into the beautiful city. Where the God shown before her as a small sparkling flower, stands within her hands and seems to be giving of a powerful energy that encompasses them both. The image itself looks more intricate, as the border around it almost looks as if it is a mirror. As if, you are the third party watching over them. Where, the God is watching over Caoimhe. Where Caoimhe is Watching over the City. ]
Caragh... Gave me the name of Caoimhe, from this book... I... When I read it recently, I realized to myself that this is how I felt... Like Caoimhe watching over the city, or the God watching over Caoimhe, or... Myself as I read about each of them through this text. [ She looks at the image lowering it to her lap. ] Because of this... its hard for me to not understand the feelings of others... I understand too much - - ...
Even if they have done so much wrong, because for me... It's like I watch them too from a mirror or a window, where all their actions have meaning, and it's never about one thing...
[ A frown... It almost seems like she... Didn't make sense at all. ]
[ Hey, hey, hey, he said TWINS, not INDENTICAL TWINS, get it right-
Mizuki listens to the story, though he seems to knit his brow at some parts of it. The way Caoimhe tells it, the way she seems to shine, how proud she is, how lovely the depictions are... sounds like this is supposed to be a story of hope. But the more she talks about it, the more upsetting it is for Mizuki to hear. This is something she loves, something she is named after, something important to her, so Mizuki shouldn't say anything unkind. It would be like if someone had told Mizuki that Pac-Man or psychology is stupid. He simply feels his tendrils coil very tightly behind him. ]
No, it makes sense. [ Leave it there, don't say anything, don't- ] But it's nothing like that. I don't agree with any of it. [ No, no, Mizuki, get off your soapbox, now is NOT the time! ]
My window is not that put onto me by others. I am not looking down at anyone because they have forced me away from them. No one would do that. Being unkind and treating someone poorly because they don't look pretty or can't do something or don't understand is the sort of thing bullies do. To put someone who's kind down and take advantage of their goodness is how evil corrupts and spreads.
[ Hhhh. Upset... ]
When I lost everything, when I was nothing to the world and could offer it nothing, people were still kind. People still sacrificed for me to have a future. People still cared about me even if I didn't do things right, and they were patient, and they... are good. That God made a mistake.
[ And thats the interesting thing here about things like this -
It's so funny how one word, down changes introspection and the meaning of all things. To Caoimhe, it literally meant downwards - and stopped there. To look and see from another perspective, it had nothing negative in connotation to it. When she spoke it openly. That this word, downwards, meant nothing, because it was a direction simply. To Mizuki however, it meant everything, because it meant there were things beneath one another.
Therein lies the half cup, and cup half full predicament, told yet in another form and of another topic incidentally. ]
...
[ She sees him, perhaps finally after being here for so long, hearing him talk so much - though the truth was ever hard to find at times. It took her this long because he hides his words craftily afraid that the way he speaks, will deign him something lesser than that of which good really is. ]
You worked really hard didn't you? [ Caoimhe speaks softly, her arms already wrapped around his shoulders leaning against him to give him the most gentlest hug. ] To get where you are now, [ She nuzzles him just a little. ] to feel how you do here, [ And a even kinder back rub. ] and to keep going into the unknown.
[ Once, she told a man, who told her that he was the foulest little thing. Caoimhe, most grateful for his kindness, told him that a man who tries his best to be kind for the world around him. Knowing how capable he was of destroying it, hurting others, or breaking the world around him all within a moment. Was far greater a man, than one who acts kindly, because it is the right thing to do.
Stumped and bewildered by this woman's phrasing, he then tracked halfway across the continent. Realizing, and afraid he would lose the one person who saw the efforts he put into the world. It is a horrifying thing to be seen, in the abyss of humanity after all. ]
I think. [ She says sweetly, ] Someone who understands all that, [ Meaning everything that Mizuki said. ] is as Good as anyone person can be.
[ It’s funny. After he had said all of that, he was aware that he really shouldn’t have. He was scrambling for some sort of apology, like maybe he had messed things up, since Caoimhe was upset before. Mizuki needed to be a friend, not try to stand up for his beliefs to someone who is already so kind and sweet. Maybe Mizuki, too, is just worried about people stepping on Caoimhe like a doormat.
But he isn’t met with upset. He isn’t met with angry or hatred. She is giving him a hug, and speaking so adoringly. ]
That’s… wrong, actually. The reason why I know people are good is because… I had nothing to offer. I couldn't work hard. I truly had nothing. And people still found it in themselves to reach hands out to me and help me. Save me, feed me, teach me, take care of me. I did nothing to deserve that kindness, but people have always, always treated me kindly after that day.
That's why I know that story is wrong, because just because someone doesn't have anything to offer the world, doesn't mean people will just toss you away.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mooninthewater) wrote2023-08-16 12:10 pm
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It's probably best she doesn't focus too much on it. ]
Caoi~mhe!!! Can you hear me, too~? How exciting, to be able to talk like this!! I'm at Elsword's, in his fish tank. I'll also be-
[ Aaaand the message cuts short. The other ambient noise stops, too, at least! ]
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At least - we think so, she rounds the corner to where the Fish Tank in Elswords house is and looks around to find him. ]
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Caoimhe! You stopped talking! I thought you were ignoring me!!
[ "Moon" jellyfish is a misdirection, he's actually the very rare "sunshine" jellyfish. ]
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It almost makes her want to diminish her issues into nothingness, the complicity of it should not be brought and put on others' shoulders. She already bothered Heimr, the Shopkeeper and upset him... She should not continue that train of action. ]
I... I am sorry... The spell I use can only send back and forth about twenty-five words. Did I bother your time in the waters?
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[ He bounds over to her for a hug. A wet one, sorry- ]
Is there something on your mind? I'm sorry I'm not easier to track down, ehe...
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...Is everything okay?
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I do not want to bother you with my thoughts, I already caused a great bit of grief to Heimr when I just spoke to him now... I just...
[ A Pause. ]
I missed the ocean... And... I did not know where to go to, but to you.
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You wouldn't bother me with your thoughts, Caoimhe. I much prefer people being straightforward with me, since I'm not too good at reading people.
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Even still... It isn't right to just, speak my pains freely.. [ Locks of hair shuffle about, ] Not that I do not want to.
[ She looks up, staring towards him a bit more clearly. ]
. . . Remember... You had told me, that I am a Good Person?
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[ ??? He's fretting a little bit over her. Should they sit? They should sit. He's going to gently coax her to Elsword's couch so they can take a seat. He'll hold her hands once they do, trying to be comforting. ]
I do. You are.
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I think about that day a lot... Everything we talked about... I... I try really hard to be myself and to be what it means to be good to me... But... I think.... I think it is only making other people unhappy, and... Maybe misunderstand me? Or... That I will make it worse?
[ A pause and... She reflects the earnestly says. ]
... I wanted to go back to the ocean, because... If that is where I came from, then I want to return home. [ She gets quieter, the comfort of sitting and the safety of being in this place with her friend Mizuki beside her. Knowing too, that Elsword was not too far away. She opens up a bit more... ] ... I don't think I belong anywhere... Not even here... So I want to go back home... I want to go back to the ocean, where I came from, and where I belong... Since... The way that I am - the way that I am, is not... The right way to be?
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How incredibly relatable.]Hm, if I can give you my thoughts... [ They won't be very good, since Mizuki also is misunderstood and makes things worse, so- ] You're not going to make everyone happy, even if you do everything right. You are a very good person, and I think whatever misunderstandings stem from the fact people know this about you and want to make sure that goodness isn't snuffed out.
After all, there's a lot of really good people, but that doesn't mean they have means to protect themselves. Especially somewhere so incredibly dangerous, I'm sure you're just bound to worry people...
[ There's a gentle squeeze of her hands. ]
Is that what home is to you? Do you believe being there would fix things? Do you think that your point of view should not be valued? What is the right way to be? If you feel you do not belong anywhere, what is the harm in staying here, anyway?
...
I know it's a lot to think about, but... I think you belong.
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Thinking that people are so concerned about her - that they are fearful of how she is being taken advantage of by others?
She genuinely, cannot fathom that idea.
It's too bad this came too late - if anything it's almost narratively hilarious. ]
... I did not realize. . . [ A pause as she drifts into thought but the hand squeeze brings her in. Eyes flicker upwards back to him, and the oceans within them seem to subside from the initial flurry of storms that bellowed within.
'What is the harm in staying here anyway?'
If Caoimhe is so adamant about believing everyone belongs, why does she not add herself into the picture?. Her life answers that question, but she is incapable of answering it right now in her mind for Mizuki. Instead, she simply thinks - ]
I am still trying to understand...
[ I think you belong. She smiles, and deep down she feels herself validated. Truly, the ocean welcomes her. ]
Thank you.
[ She squeezes his hands back. ]
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[ Mizuki, you're gushing. Why did you roll a 7 on being normal-
Caoimhe is being incredibly introspective in this moment, and had Mizuki the awareness, he would be proud. Alas, instead, he is just a simple jellyfish with a negative 10 insight modifier. ]
Oh, you're welcome! I hope I helped!!
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Y-Yes you always do... You truly have so much vast knowledge.. You must pay attention to other people around you a lot.
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[ Stalker behavior! Here’s another red flag, Caoimhe, hold this 🚩]
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Mmm, that makes sense. [ A pause, thinking on what the other said. ] I know many people who do this, but I myself enjoy it as well... Even if at times, the distance between us can be.. So vast.
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[ Once again, Mizuki finds himself relating far too much to Caoimhe. He wonders if, maybe, here at the grove, they were twins or something? No, no, that's silly, they looked nothing alike in the photograph… ]
I… sometimes sort of feel like there's sort of this… [ He gestures in the air, miming out a wall of sorts in front of him. ] window that I'm looking into. That I'm merely a lens — the camera to watch the movie. It's very…
[ Lonely. ]
…silly, I guess? Ehehe, I guess that's what I get for not being more social~. Holding hands and physical contact helps a lot, though. Makes the "window" feel a little less… there.
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Yes! That's exactly it! [ Caoimhe seems to flinch at his realization, ] When... Um...
There is this book that exists, it - - it is where my name came from.
[ She moves to find the bag of holding and searches for the book. Sure enough she finds it, pulling it out with its hard red cover. As she takes it into her hands, cradling the book itself she gently opens it. ]
It's a story about a girl, who... Who lived in a city where everyone is beautiful, and everyone is good at one thing? It does not what that one thing is, but they excel at it and have purpose because of it. [ She filters through the pages as she speaks looking for something within it urgently. ] Then this girl was born. She was simply not good at any one particular thing, and she did not look so fetching. The girl was often treated so poorly, and no one loved her whatsoever.
The book is about a God watching over this girl, and commenting on how it is she lives - how it is she becomes. Ultimately the God decides it wants to grant the girl a wish, and when it asks her what they wish for. The God says, "I have watched you be hated and reviled, for no reason other than existing. I want to give you a gift, I can change everything about the city, everything about the world, even change you to be loved and revered. What do you want the most, tell me?"
The girl simply said, "I want to just live here, I don't want to change at all. I love looking down at everyone, I love seeing them happy and I love how hard they strive to be what they are. Me being here, drives them. It shows them what they don't want to be, and for that, I am truly precious to them. Even if they do not know it. I just want to be, Caoimhe."
[ As she turns the book over to Mizuki, the illustration is presented across two pages. Drawn with ink and hard printed with some bold colors to pop. There is a girl that overlooks a city, the city is beautifully built. With lights that glimmer, and floating vehicles that whirl around. Then you have Caoimhe in the picture book, staring off from a hill out into the beautiful city. Where the God shown before her as a small sparkling flower, stands within her hands and seems to be giving of a powerful energy that encompasses them both. The image itself looks more intricate, as the border around it almost looks as if it is a mirror. As if, you are the third party watching over them. Where, the God is watching over Caoimhe. Where Caoimhe is Watching over the City. ]
Caragh... Gave me the name of Caoimhe, from this book... I... When I read it recently, I realized to myself that this is how I felt... Like Caoimhe watching over the city, or the God watching over Caoimhe, or... Myself as I read about each of them through this text. [ She looks at the image lowering it to her lap. ] Because of this... its hard for me to not understand the feelings of others... I understand too much - - ...
Even if they have done so much wrong, because for me... It's like I watch them too from a mirror or a window, where all their actions have meaning, and it's never about one thing...
[ A frown... It almost seems like she... Didn't make sense at all. ]
I am.. Sorry... Did that make sense?
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Mizuki listens to the story, though he seems to knit his brow at some parts of it. The way Caoimhe tells it, the way she seems to shine, how proud she is, how lovely the depictions are... sounds like this is supposed to be a story of hope. But the more she talks about it, the more upsetting it is for Mizuki to hear. This is something she loves, something she is named after, something important to her, so Mizuki shouldn't say anything unkind. It would be like if someone had told Mizuki that Pac-Man or psychology is stupid. He simply feels his tendrils coil very tightly behind him. ]
No, it makes sense. [ Leave it there, don't say anything, don't- ] But it's nothing like that. I don't agree with any of it. [ No, no, Mizuki, get off your soapbox, now is NOT the time! ]
My window is not that put onto me by others. I am not looking down at anyone because they have forced me away from them. No one would do that. Being unkind and treating someone poorly because they don't look pretty or can't do something or don't understand is the sort of thing bullies do. To put someone who's kind down and take advantage of their goodness is how evil corrupts and spreads.
[ Hhhh. Upset... ]
When I lost everything, when I was nothing to the world and could offer it nothing, people were still kind. People still sacrificed for me to have a future. People still cared about me even if I didn't do things right, and they were patient, and they... are good. That God made a mistake.
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It's so funny how one word, down changes introspection and the meaning of all things. To Caoimhe, it literally meant downwards - and stopped there. To look and see from another perspective, it had nothing negative in connotation to it. When she spoke it openly. That this word, downwards, meant nothing, because it was a direction simply. To Mizuki however, it meant everything, because it meant there were things beneath one another.
Therein lies the half cup, and cup half full predicament, told yet in another form and of another topic incidentally. ]
...
[ She sees him, perhaps finally after being here for so long, hearing him talk so much - though the truth was ever hard to find at times. It took her this long because he hides his words craftily afraid that the way he speaks, will deign him something lesser than that of which good really is. ]
You worked really hard didn't you? [ Caoimhe speaks softly, her arms already wrapped around his shoulders leaning against him to give him the most gentlest hug. ] To get where you are now, [ She nuzzles him just a little. ] to feel how you do here, [ And a even kinder back rub. ] and to keep going into the unknown.
[ Once, she told a man, who told her that he was the foulest little thing. Caoimhe, most grateful for his kindness, told him that a man who tries his best to be kind for the world around him. Knowing how capable he was of destroying it, hurting others, or breaking the world around him all within a moment. Was far greater a man, than one who acts kindly, because it is the right thing to do.
Stumped and bewildered by this woman's phrasing, he then tracked halfway across the continent. Realizing, and afraid he would lose the one person who saw the efforts he put into the world. It is a horrifying thing to be seen, in the abyss of humanity after all. ]
I think. [ She says sweetly, ] Someone who understands all that, [ Meaning everything that Mizuki said. ] is as Good as anyone person can be.
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But he isn’t met with upset. He isn’t met with angry or hatred. She is giving him a hug, and speaking so adoringly. ]
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That's why I know that story is wrong, because just because someone doesn't have anything to offer the world, doesn't mean people will just toss you away.
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