I met Elder Faerie when I was traveling, after the others established their kingdoms and their rule. I was seeking out... why we were created, and how I could make our lives better. I have... always been very weak. My dough crumbled easily, so while my bindings are partially to cover scars, they're also to keep my body from falling apart.
In this new body, it translates to a constant pain.
And I knew I was not the only one this fragile- and even the strongest cookies crumbled when wet. I could not comprehend why we were so delicate and sweet, so I wanted to meet the Witches and ask them...
... But- that's not what this is about.
Elder Faerie Cookie taught me what he could, and about the Beasts- I even helped prevent one of Shadow Milk Cookie's escape attempts, renewing and empowering the seal. While I stayed with Elder Faerie Cookie, we... became close.
... We were lovers.
( lily is quiet for a moment, closing her eyes as she inhales. it hurts, still- to her, it's only been a year. she doesn't remember the time between her death and resurrection beyond glimpses of dark enchantress's memories, and they had no time after her resurrection.
... if he saw her now... would he be disappointed in her? )
I- I died, back home. And when I was resurrected, it was with his life powder. It weakened him greatly- that's when Shadow Milk Cookie struck again, fragment of his soul breaking free and raining havoc upon the Faerie kingdom. Elder Faerie Cookie had a choice: he could die by Shadow Milk Cookie's hands directly... or he could give everything, his life, his duty, his kingdom and his power, to me.
[ Mizuki, again, seems to be absorbing everything pretty well! He doesn't have a lot of questions about the Cookie Lore(tm), but rather just studying Lily herself. How she's speaking, how she's putting herself forward, the sort of things she's thinking about... above all, after all, he's here to help with her mental. Mizuki doesn't know himself if he actually "understands" what she's talking about, or if he's simply going along with it like he would one of his video games. Whatever the case, he can easily pick up on what she's probably thinking about all this. If that cookie were to make the choice die by Shadow Milk's hand, she surely feels guilt in not "taking care of" the problem, surely.
He certainly felt that way, too, once upon a time.
( in terms of body language, she seems to be curling in on herself, hiding partially behind the stuffed animal clutched to her chest. shame and guilt and a pain that she can't soothe, all while she recalls a distant past...
the question makes her go quiet. )
... I want to hate him, like I did two months ago. I had wanted nothing to do with him, not even to do my duty as Elder Faerie had- I just wanted him out of my life so I didn't have to think about him and what he's done to my people, and what he did to Vanny anymore.
( also, she loathed that they were together- but she also knows mizuki had encouraged it. she won't be bringing that up. )
And then we were both alone. Timekeeper Cookie is... also a cookie. But she's not from our Earthbread. And- and she did not like either Vanny or Cacao.
She has been kind, but- only he could understand. ... In truth, it's probably me who's lacking, given that they had their souls bonded together.
( her grip on the stuffed animal tightens. )
... His cakehound showed up on my door, one morning after they vanished. And then Nene followed. He'd challenged the Forest, and- came out blinded and mangled.
Despite all he'd done- and all I've done in turn... I couldn't leave him alone.
... I don't know.
We live together now. He- tries to cheer me up, or comes to me for comfort. And I feel like the resentment is fading, but it shouldn't. And I can't forget the pain of Elder Faerie, of Vanny, of watching him toy with my people...
[ Mizuki doesn't want to tell Lily that he's actually the last person that knows what to do in a situation like this. This is perhaps the one thing that he gets lost on himself. After all, is he not the one constantly trying to learn if people can change? Is he not the one constantly trying to learn what's right and wrong? To eat the evil of the world?? He leans back in his seat, looking at the ceiling for a small, thoughtful moment. ]
I suppose... something about people is that... their actions and feelings are not a monolith. Minds, feelings, emotions... they're all very complicated things. [ He looks back down at Lily here. ] Environments and the people that surround a person can greatly influence these things. For example, within an environment like this, [ He gestures around, though he clearly means the Grove as a whole. ] I'm sure a lot of people have adapted in strange ways. It's likely Shadow Milk is now in an environment where he doesn't feel like he has to be the person he used to be, if that makes sense? Of course, I'm not going to say that's how it is for sure, but... it's just something to think about, I suppose?
With that said, I'm not saying that it's wrong of you to feel conflicted. The opposite. It may very well be that you're seeing this change and feeling like closure for that grief in your life is slipping away. Have you gotten the chance to talk to him about any of this?
cw: reference to recreational drug use, sex under the influence
We- don't tend to get very far. Neither of us know how to broach the subject of Pure Vanilla Cookie, and... we have very different views on Elder Faerie Cookie, for understandable reasons.
( to one, he was a kind king, friend and lover. to the other, a traitorous ex turned warden.
someone's bitter. she doesn't blame him, but... it tends to stop attempts to talk about the past at the door. )
Anything else, we- avoid, naturally. I think the only time we were able to actually admit both of us were lonely was... um.
( give her a moment- and ignore how her cheeks flush and she hides in the stuffed animal completely. )
W-we got high recently and slept together for comfort.
But then we try to talk about it and it just- feels impossible!
...I see! That would certainly stir up some feelings, I'm sure. Do you think maybe part of the reason it feels impossible is because you do not want to hurt his feelings?
Not having a problem with it before does not mean you do not now, Miss Lily. That said, there is no right or wrong way to feel. Acknowledging the things you do feel is what's most important. If you focus too much on the "supposed to" and not the you in the moment, it'll end up hurting you more than anything.
I do understand not being able to understand your "in the moment" feelings, though. Sometimes, not knowing is your way of putting stops to things you are hesitant or not wanting to feel. Could that be a possibility?
If you still don't know, do not worry. Not knowing is not a bad thing.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mooninthewater) wrote2023-08-16 12:10 pm
no subject
I met Elder Faerie when I was traveling, after the others established their kingdoms and their rule. I was seeking out... why we were created, and how I could make our lives better. I have... always been very weak. My dough crumbled easily, so while my bindings are partially to cover scars, they're also to keep my body from falling apart.
In this new body, it translates to a constant pain.
And I knew I was not the only one this fragile- and even the strongest cookies crumbled when wet. I could not comprehend why we were so delicate and sweet, so I wanted to meet the Witches and ask them...
... But- that's not what this is about.
Elder Faerie Cookie taught me what he could, and about the Beasts- I even helped prevent one of Shadow Milk Cookie's escape attempts, renewing and empowering the seal. While I stayed with Elder Faerie Cookie, we... became close.
... We were lovers.
( lily is quiet for a moment, closing her eyes as she inhales. it hurts, still- to her, it's only been a year. she doesn't remember the time between her death and resurrection beyond glimpses of dark enchantress's memories, and they had no time after her resurrection.
... if he saw her now... would he be disappointed in her? )
I- I died, back home. And when I was resurrected, it was with his life powder. It weakened him greatly- that's when Shadow Milk Cookie struck again, fragment of his soul breaking free and raining havoc upon the Faerie kingdom. Elder Faerie Cookie had a choice: he could die by Shadow Milk Cookie's hands directly... or he could give everything, his life, his duty, his kingdom and his power, to me.
He chose the latter.
no subject
He certainly felt that way, too, once upon a time.
He taps his clipboard in thought for a moment. ]
And what's your thoughts on Shadow Milk now?
no subject
the question makes her go quiet. )
... I want to hate him, like I did two months ago. I had wanted nothing to do with him, not even to do my duty as Elder Faerie had- I just wanted him out of my life so I didn't have to think about him and what he's done to my people, and what he did to Vanny anymore.
( also, she loathed that they were together- but she also knows mizuki had encouraged it. she won't be bringing that up. )
And then we were both alone. Timekeeper Cookie is... also a cookie. But she's not from our Earthbread. And- and she did not like either Vanny or Cacao.
She has been kind, but- only he could understand. ... In truth, it's probably me who's lacking, given that they had their souls bonded together.
( her grip on the stuffed animal tightens. )
... His cakehound showed up on my door, one morning after they vanished. And then Nene followed. He'd challenged the Forest, and- came out blinded and mangled.
Despite all he'd done- and all I've done in turn... I couldn't leave him alone.
... I don't know.
We live together now. He- tries to cheer me up, or comes to me for comfort. And I feel like the resentment is fading, but it shouldn't. And I can't forget the pain of Elder Faerie, of Vanny, of watching him toy with my people...
( in short: it's complicated. )
no subject
I suppose... something about people is that... their actions and feelings are not a monolith. Minds, feelings, emotions... they're all very complicated things. [ He looks back down at Lily here. ] Environments and the people that surround a person can greatly influence these things. For example, within an environment like this, [ He gestures around, though he clearly means the Grove as a whole. ] I'm sure a lot of people have adapted in strange ways. It's likely Shadow Milk is now in an environment where he doesn't feel like he has to be the person he used to be, if that makes sense? Of course, I'm not going to say that's how it is for sure, but... it's just something to think about, I suppose?
With that said, I'm not saying that it's wrong of you to feel conflicted. The opposite. It may very well be that you're seeing this change and feeling like closure for that grief in your life is slipping away. Have you gotten the chance to talk to him about any of this?
cw: reference to recreational drug use, sex under the influence
( to one, he was a kind king, friend and lover. to the other, a traitorous ex turned warden.
someone's bitter. she doesn't blame him, but... it tends to stop attempts to talk about the past at the door. )
Anything else, we- avoid, naturally. I think the only time we were able to actually admit both of us were lonely was... um.
( give her a moment- and ignore how her cheeks flush and she hides in the stuffed animal completely. )
W-we got high recently and slept together for comfort.
But then we try to talk about it and it just- feels impossible!
no subject
no subject
No, I've never had a problem with that.
( LILY- )
It's- very hard to decipher how I feel, and- how I'm supposed to feel?
no subject
I do understand not being able to understand your "in the moment" feelings, though. Sometimes, not knowing is your way of putting stops to things you are hesitant or not wanting to feel. Could that be a possibility?
If you still don't know, do not worry. Not knowing is not a bad thing.